Thursday

hello My friends,

As we roll into "summer," VSL is really picking up steam. So you can imagine how busy spiceprez is! Today I thought Id' turn things over to one of our least important members so that I can keep on keeping on if you know what I mean. It is my great pleasure to introduce...

7 Reasons Why No One should Ever Weigh More than One Hundred Pounds

By Taylor Cook

Ever wondered why skinny people are better? Her'es why.

1: Alcohol. Science tells us that if you weigh less, you get drunk faster. Stop wasting money on that second shot of beer and start shedding pounds today!

2: Clothes. Ever wonder why babies have so much money? Cause they spend virtually no money on clothes. Less fabric, less money, less problems. Bet you wish you had thought of that.

3: Floor. Studies have shown that fat people have to replace their floors nearly 19 times as frequently as skinny people. Stop replacing your floors!

4: Murder. Our top detectives report that fat people are 300% more likely to be murdered than skinny people. Think of it this way: last time you were in a knife fight, were you wishing you were wider? I didn't think so.

5: Cars. "I really like my car, but I can't drive it because when I sit inside, the bottom of the car scrapes against the ground." Sound familiar? It wouldn't if you weighed 85 pounds!

6: Pregnancy: Being skinny gives you room to grow, so you could be 13 months in and no one would even know you were pregnant. Tired of people asking if you need water, buying you pickles and ice cream, and telling you you're glowing? I know I was. But now, I'm 8 months along with twins, and not even the father has noticed.

7:Speed. Everyone knows smaller objects have less wind resistance. Shave the last 30 seconds off your mile time and run right into a better life.